Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Shamwrong shake (Portland, the home stretch)

On Sunday morning we woke up to a war zone of cheeseburger wrappers, empty wine bottles, clothes strewn everywhere and last but not least, a message waiting from Claude. LM and Kathy grabbed a cheeseburger, settled back into bed and we delved into the mysterious world of Windbreaker. 

We found out that he was just chillin’ at “Mansion” and when he asked what LM was doing, she proudly said “Eating a cheeseburger”. Claude actually had an amusing response with “Not sexy, but whatever you’re into” followed up by “Come over here”.  I must admit it takes a certain kind of guy to still be intrigued after all of the ridiculous and unrealistic messages that were sent to him, and then to still want a girl to come over after munching on McD’s cheeseburgers while in bed at 10 in the morning. My guess? Windbreaker probably paid his bill and he probably got those drugs. 

But it didn’t stop there, Windbreaker stayed with us for pretty much our entire trip home. We didn’t get a picture of “Mansion”, but we did get a picture of a bedroom complete with working fireplace and the caption “Still in bed”.  We know WB, obviously your DJ profession doesn’t require you to be out until late, late at night... I’m going to say it was probably a picture of someone else’s bedroom...and it was most likely the poor, unfortunate soul that he picked up the night before. We also found out that he was going to make us dinner at “Mansion” had we stayed in town another day. Deciding to let that one ride for a little while, we stopped for breakfast in the very god fearing town of Woodland, Washington

A little nervous with our surroundings – we were all afraid we would burst into flames just by being in the town - we strolled into the Oak Tree Restaurant that featured all your gift shopping needs and a Sunday buffet. There’s nothing like inspirational postcards and ceramic crosses to go with your bacon and eggs. Instantly worried by the thought of a breakfast buffet, these never usually turn out well, I was beginning to think that I should have held out for that dinner at “Mansion”. Turns out all the food was fabulous, including the buffet that the sister’s par took in, while we enjoyed our turkey sandwiches, hot and cold ones respectfully. Just another great recommendation for the good old US of A. 

Back on our way home again, it was decided that more shopping needed to be done so there was a quick stop in at the Seattle Premium Outlets, and the Tulalip Casino for me as I had met my shopping quota. The girls soon found out that the Supermoon was still working it’s wonders, as the crazies were still out in full force ready to celebrate the impending full moon with the casing of cars in the parking lot, letting their screaming kids manhandle all of the glasses at Sunglass Hut and taking a discussion about whether or not to go into Juicy to the next level of annoying. They came to collect me at the casino, and back on the road we went. 

BUT...not before our last trip to McDonalds. Wanting to make it an even three on our visit score card, we were mostly going to see if they had the elusive Shamrock Shake still kicking around.

And there it was in all its green glory, beckoning to us on the order board. Super stoked, we pulled up to the drive through with much more excitement that was probably needed, but hey these things only come out once a year, and not always to every McD’s. It anything, it’s a delicacy. 

We rolled up to the order board and here’s where we turned McDonald’s world upside down. We asked for 3 shakes, HALF Shamrock, HALF Chocolate. Holy shit, can you handle it!? Well McDonalds couldn’t, because after a lengthy pause we were told by the clerk that they aren’t able to do this transaction. Not wanting to go down without a fight, my sister explained to the clerk that we had just done this at another establishment two weeks ago and it didn’t seem to pose an issue. She was NOT having it and stood her ground, a ground that was made of lies and deceit because it CAN be done. I’ve experienced it. Now I haven’t worked at McD’s, but I’m pretty positive that the shake distribution is done with the pressing of a button, and then by pressing that same button, you stop the process. I could be wrong, so if there’s a former employee in the house, please let me know. Regardless of this clerk’s baditude, we were still going to enjoy our chocolaty mint beverage, so we placed an order for two chocolate shakes, one Shamrock and an extra glass. We would deal with this shit ourselves. 

Shakes divided up, we finally made our way back to Canadaland. During the last home stretch we got back into the Windbreaker chronicles. We realized that we had never asked what was for dinner. We soon found out that we were going to miss out on a “Bomb azz stir fry”.  The response to that was “Oh. Well we wanted steak and lobster”. Guess what? Claude Windbreaker is STILL communicating with LM. Nothing can break this guy’s stride.
I want to thank the city of Portland for providing us with more fun than most people could handle, a shout out to Claude Windbreaker and “As Bono” for making my future a little brighter, and to the girls – THANKS for being hilarious. 

1 comment:

  1. What do you mean a half and half shake can't be done??? I would've fired their asses!!! That is if I still had the powers to do that, ha. It's been a while but I think it was a handle that was calibrated to stop once the shake reached its weight.....but lo and behold this handle could be prematurely stopped if one wanted to say, mix it up a bit! Thay may have upgraded to a button system since my days but still, c'mon now - no task performed at McD's is rocket science.....