Thursday, May 19, 2011

Cocktails and Dreams

Well it appears that Mancouver has been on a bit of a hiatus, I can only blame Vegas for this and the wintery weather that we’re STILL having. It’s depressing, and therefore doesn’t entice me to want to leave the house. Not one bit. But this past weekend I did. It was time once again. However, I was missing the rest of the crew due to an impromptu trip to Kelowna and a lack of funding, so this would be a solo mission. Though, with a few added guest stars. So let’s get to it bitches! 

Since it was raining yet again on Saturday, my sister and I decided that it would be best to spend the afternoon having a Sex in the City marathon, with wine of course. There isn’t any other way to do this is there? I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve see all of the episodes, but it’s A LOT, and no, I don’t care. I will continue to watch them over and over again because if you don’t know already, that’s kind of me and my sister’s thing. When we like something, we commit to liking it 1000%. Therefore that includes the watching and re-watching of shows, movies, videos, etc.  

There was much debate over whether we should attend a concert at the Commodore featuring one of our favorite Mancouvers of the Week Cory Monteith. Yes the band he’s in is crap and they clearly only have a record deal because one of their band members is on a successful TV show, but we thought the people watching would have been amazing and make for great write up material. Then again, the show would have only been full of freshly minted nineteen year old girls, and that’s never fun is it. As it ended up, we did not attend. Feeling old isn’t usually high on my list of priorities when I go out, but as it was this would happen anyways as the evening progressed.  

The other option that night was to go out for a birthday party that would include a karaoke session in a private room. I can’t say no to karaoke, especially when you can freely pick your own songs and hog the mike all night (which I did), so I warmed up my vocal cords and got ready to start my evening.  
Our guest stars for the evening, A&T, kindly picked me up and we were off to our first destination of the evening, one of the many Kegs in Vancouver; that much like Joey’s, are within a curiously short proximity to each other. The one we would be going to was on Thurlow, and I was quite familiar with this particular Keg and its awesome lounge. I was once privy to an epic drunken drink spilling that happened there, complete with the obligatory blaming of a wobbly table for committing the said drink spill. I actually wish I could go back in time and see it again, it was that good.  

This particular Keg is totally for the business man, travelling or local to Vancouver. It’s close to hotels and office buildings alike and really, who doesn’t like the Keg. They make a fine mixed drink, apparently Caesar’s as everyone was drinking one, and hello? Three words. Billy Miner Pie. Sometimes I’ll take that over a steak for dinner. Ice cream for dinner is a delicacy that everyone should enjoy at some point in their life. Me and A were feeling a bit hookerish, so we ordered white wine spritzers – in movies they always tell us this is what hookers drink. As well as champagne cocktails – but when they were brought to us we had to assemble them ourselves. This was a new experience; I’ve never had to make my own drinks at an establishment before. How hard is it to fill a glass with wine, ice and soda water? It would certainly make for a lot less dishes for them to do rather than bringing me a wine glass, a glass of ice and tumbler of soda. Is this a complex drink order? It really shouldn’t be. Color me confused, but it was a delicious and refreshing treat regardless. T opted to go with a Long Island, which we then deemed she had to keep ordering everywhere we went so she could try all the varieties. Not the best plan, in fact a pretty bad one as earlier that day we were discussing the Long Island, and how much liquor went into them. It’s A LOT. I guess that’s why youths like to order them. Do they come bottled yet? Hmmm. I have so many questions now.  

Having already eaten before I went out, I did not get to enjoy any of the tasty creations that the Keg has to offer, but a few people got sliders, and we already know how much I like those. They did not look as heavenly as the sliders at Joey’s, but I would have to taste them to give them a fair chance. I will however, give the presentation an 8.5 out 10. Another fellow at our table ordered the lobster tail dinner and it was the biggest meal I have ever Canada, come was crazy. They seriously gave him ALL the garlic mashed potatoes. They may have been out for the rest of the night after this, maybe even at the rest of the Kegs in VancouverIt seemed like a lot of dishes came with garlic now that I think about it. Is the Keg telling us they only want couples dining at their restaurants? Interesting....   

As birthday festivities usually go, people were running late and drinks were free flowing, so we were for sure going to be late for our next appointment, which was the very exciting private karaoke room! Because gathering drunk people is always an issue, a few of us made our way over to Fantacity which is also on Thurlow, just on the other side next to the McDonalds. What isn’t usually next a McDonalds? When giving directions to people for things doesn’t it seem like you always throw a “Then turn left at the McDonalds “in there? It does.  
Once across the road you will then travel down some stairs and destination Fantacity will be on the right hand side. It looks TOTALLY sketchy, and is most likely an underground drug running/prostitute business with a karaoke cover, but who cares. You get your own room! And they serve amazing fruity cocktails served in excellent hurricane glasses! And yes we tried the Long Island, don’t worry. And the drinks are strong. Really strong. As they should be, you must be drunk in order to sing your best.  

Since we were the first ones to arrive, we had the luxury of choosing the first song....and most of the songs after that too....oops. What did we go with? Hotel Room Service by Pitbull of course. What else? It was awful and amazing all at the same time. There aren’t a lot of words to that song other than counting, yet we still managed to fuck it up. After that we went with the old standards such as Don’t Stop Believing, Living on a Prayer, and some rousing renditions of Bad Romance and New York, New York. I would like to give a shout out to T for her marvelous tambourine work (yes they supply you with a tambourine. So many shades of awesome). Also to A for her hidden rap talent that was brought to fruition via Drake’s Best I Ever Had. I did not know she was a closet rapper; perhaps we should sign her up for a rap battle one of these days? And last but not least, to our friend MC for throwing down the Lady Gaga gauntlet. She was NOT fucking around. Gaga karaoke was serious business for her.  
I would highly suggest hitting up Fantacity whenever you get the chance. You will not be sorry.  

Sadly the room was soon ripped from our grasps; the good times don’t last forever at Fantacity. The rooms are rented by the hour, a lot like a cheap a hotel room you would have an affair with your married boss, best friends husband, priest...what have you. They might even let you do that at Fantacity, I don’t know for sure. I didn’t ask if that was included in the rates. Moving on, after a few cab rides around the city, a failed Roxy attempt  and more cab rides, T and I made the executive decision to head to another favorite spot of ours – Brandi’s.  Now I know you’re asking yourself “Wait, what? Strippers?” Yes. Lot’s of strippers. See the enticement of Brandi’s is that girls don’t have to pay cover, they play good music, and you get a show. What more could you ask for? Well I guess karaoke, if they had that, it would make it the best place ever maybe. I would be there all the time. Actually I would probably never leave. I’d just move into Brandi’s. It’s almost in the penthouse of that building that it’s in, and that’s super classy. Or maybe it IS the penthouse. Or I’m always hammered when I go there, and I just can’t be sure. 

So If you’re wondering where the majority of men go in Vancouver (we were) well look no further. They are at Brandi’s. All ages too, it was really spread out. Like the dancers legs...WHAATTT. Yes I did. I went there.  
Anyways, there were a lot of dudes there, even a lot of girls, but this doesn't really seem like the venue to pick people up I would think. Girls are mainly there for stagettes, because going to male strippers is scary and gross, and guys are there for lap dances, and not ones that are performed by people that they don’t have to pay. Paying is better. On second thought, maybe the meshing of these two groups of people is the way to pick up someone up. We better go back for a second look. Plus I did see a series of random make outs happening when the lights went up. I knew they were random because we shut that place down. I saw these random hookups blossom. It helped that some guy that was there by himself - not creepy, that's perfectly normal -  kept paying for our drinks while we sat at the bar, only to have him disappear every time we turned around to thank him. Don’t worry, the bartender poured them and handed them to us directly. No roofies were involved for once. So thanks phantom drink buyer, you were strange and mysterious and we appreciated all the drinks!  

Besides that there were a series of other events, such as the almost teenagers that invited us to their “VIP” booth, who at first told us they were 26, but when we carded them found out it was more like 21. And to top it off one of them looked like Spencer Pratt and A’s high school boyfriend all wrapped up into one 21 year old package. They didn’t stay for long, but long enough for Spencer to ask me if I’ve ever had sex with a 21 year old and then gave me a 2 minute countdown or his offer would close. Yes that old chestnut, a timed sex offer from a man child. It was really tough to turn it down...right. So yah, there was that.  

Then came the bartender.  Because we like to sit up at the bar and make friends with bartenders, we decided that this particular bar keep had pretty amazing hair and we needed to keep looking at it. And maybe his butt too. I loath writing that last part, because it makes me sounds like a very old person or, perhaps a bit like someone who is really into cats and Cathy comics. But it was true. When he walked away, his situation looked pretty good and it was worth mentioning. So shut up. We learned that his name was Warren and by the end of the night, after being urged by T and my liquid vodka courage, I asked him if I could touch his hair. Yes friends, my hair addiction finally crossed the fine line of oddly cute, to almost disturbing. I didn’t care though. Nothing was going to stop me. The idea had been planted in my head and I was going to make this dream a reality.  

To be honest I don’t really remember how I presented it to him, but it was probably along the lines of “Hey, do you mind if I touch your hair” and then I most likely didn’t wait for an okay either, I just did it. I got right in there too, ran my fingers through it and everything. I’m assuming he was into it though, because after listening to my cheerleader T again, I came up with this – “So do you date any of these lovely ladies that work here?” He says “Umm. No. It was cool a year ago, but not so much anymore”.  
I then end the conversation and he is like “Well??? Why?” And I pull out some sweet moves with “Maybe you might like to get a drink sometime that’s not here”. He agrees, a number exchange happens, and since the lights have been on for a pretty long time at this point, it was time to escort ourselves home.  

Now there are a lot of things that I need, and a bartender’s phone number that works at a strip club probably isn’t one of them, but what the hell. Who knows if I’ll ever hear from him, it is highly unlikely, but I will totally see him again because let’s not kid ourselves, that won’t be my last trip to Brandi’s. A lesson learned on this night? Sometimes people DO want their hair touched. Fact. 

Many thanks to Mancouver’s special guest stars, hopefully we’ll see you again soon! And most especially to T for promoting all the bad ideas, that were actually turned out to be really good ones. And thank god I found your phone in that cab. 

Peace out! 

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