Monday, April 25, 2011

Mancouver Memories

Since Mancouver has an impending trip to Vegas this weekend that is going to take a lot of out of our minds, bodies and souls, we decided that this past Easter weekend needed to be one of rest. Actually we should probably even go to church to pre warn whomever is listening about the kind of shit that is bound to go down. A blanket apology that will cover everything. And I’m not of any religion, so you know it’s going to be bad when...
Anyways, I thought I would take this time out to re-cap what we’ve learned so far. Kind of like a quarterly statement if you will. So friends join me in a trip down memory lane.

Top 10 things Mancouver has learned so far

10. The Roxy is awesome. Well we already knew this going into the Mancouver adventure, but it’s now truly been confirmed. However, if you plan to go there make sure to protect yourself. You will probably be molested/raped/manhandled by a cougar, douchebag, weirdo, celebrity chef’s endless. So you’re into that, and having a super sweet time in general, go.

9. Old Men. They’re everywhere. I don’t know if there is an epidemic going on out in the world where woman in their older age are deciding to leave their husbands, or these men are life long bachelors, but they’re out there and they are looking for young ladies to creep on. Again, if you are into banging your dad’s friends, then by all means giver, but if you’re not just be nice to Grandpa, indulge him in a laugh and a smile, maybe let him buy you one drink that you monitor the pouring of, and then move on with your night.

8. Wait staff. They don’t know about liquor. Not in Vancouver. This is an ongoing issue for me, and though it’s not that important, why don’t people know? WHY? They do know about what kinds of beers are on tap, I will give them that much, but once you start tricking them with questions about bourbons and the like it’s game over. So ladies when you start your next shift maybe ask the bartender some questions, you might learn something new. I have to know about a lot of shit that I don’t care about at work. So should you.

7. Joey’s sliders. What would my life have been like if I didn’t know about these? I’d be living in a world where I did not know about heavenly, fluffy buns, and the perfect amount of delicious condiments. And that’s a world that I don’t want to live in.

6. Windbreakers. Apparently they are now for going out attire, as well as sailing. But really, they aren’t. You know what else isn’t? Murses, bedazzled anything, wide leg jeans, styling yourself like Guy Fieri, sunglasses on your forehead or attached to the back of your head, out of date jerseys and last but not least, a bad attitude.

5. Music is important. Extremely important. If you’re actually into music you will notice when you go to an establishment if it’s good or not, I personally feel that it can make or break the atmosphere of a place. No one wants to hear the same droning house music mix over and over and over again. They just don’t. If you must play house grooves, at least throw something into the mix with words and that people know. People enjoy hearing songs that they are familiar with. They get excited, they sing along with their friends, all is right in the world. What kind of a place wouldn’t want that? Apparently a lot of places, because this is an ongoing problem in Vancouver. Take my advice. Throw a Journey song on every once in a while. You will not be disappointed with the outcome.

4. Dance like there’s no tomorrow. Dancing is fun. Whether you’re doing the dad ass dance to Old Time Rock and Roll or spinning in circles and stomping your foot to the latest Gaga, you are a guaranteed a good time. Have you ever seen a person look mad when they’re dancing? You haven’t. They’re either smiling, or making out with someone that they just met that night. True story.

3. The Irish know how to party. The next time you see a bunch of drunken Irishmen around town you should probably join them. They’re pretty fun, their accents are hot (when they’re not slurring them haha...or....) , you can join them in a sing a long and you’ll probably know what they’re singing, they don’t specialize in house music, and they generally like to do a lot of hugging. And who doesn’t want to be hugged?

2. So do the gays. They do it better. Partying. Jobs. Fashion sense. Apartments. Whatever it is, they’re better at it than you. So you know what? Go out with a group of them. You won’t be sorry.

1. We still haven’t found the guys. Well not the guys of our dreams anyways. Since I’ve got enough fictional boyfriends to keep my busy for a while, which we’ll continue learning about in the Mancouver of the Week feature, we shall remain our quest for some real ones. Because you know what? So far, it’s been pretty fun.

So the Mancouver crew thanks you for joining us on our adventures, and hopefully everyone has been as entertained as we have!

Wish us luck in Vegas, we all hope to come out alive...

Bye for now!

Me, Sister and LM

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